The Dolphins, the Swan and the Arran Jumper.

Again, it's been too long, hasn't it.

I'm managing to catch a few moments in my little blog- writing corner as I am home for precisely 19 hours and have just enough time to a) write this and b) pop a wash on. I have an anorak to wash and that will not wait.

Since I last updated the blog, Joni and I have been to Reading, Ipswich, Cardiff, Hull, Kendal, Giggleswick, Holmfirth (where Last of the Summer Wine was filmed) back to London, then to Eastleigh, Newbury and back to London.

What's that? I hear you cry- Have you upgraded Joni to a different car that really LOVES going long distances in short spaces of time?

No.

No we haven't.

Now, Joni DID enjoy SOME of those miles. She enjoyed, for example, going up to the top of Kirkstone Pass outside of Kendal, where she pushed herself up with all her might, then sat proudly amongst the low cloud, looking beautiful for weary cyclists and walkers.

She did NOT, however, getting down again, and she preferred, instead, to basically roll down, then have an extremely dramatic breakdown at the bottom in a Booths carpark, where we were circled by 9 year old girls on bikes taunting us with 'ooh, your van's broken down, we heard a big bang.' YES THANK YOU VERY MUCH LADIES WE ARE AWARE OF THAT AND YES, OUR VAN MAY BE MAKING BANGING NOISES YOU CAN PROBABLY HEAR A NUMBER OF MILES AWAY BUT SHE IS STILL VERY PRETTY ON THE OUTSIDE THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

In short, the last few weeks have presented more engine problems than I ever thought it possible to appear. I have learned many new words of a mechanical nature, and although I am not entirely confident about using them in full sentences, Joni's mechanic has told me that I am least pronouncing them correctly.

We have been extremely unlucky with Joni's engine- one mystery problem was chased around and around for 3 weeks and 7 mechanics, spread all over the UK, scratched their heads and changed various things (I know all the names of those things, if you wanted to test me) The problem, which we eventually found in Hull, was a TEENY TINY piece of plastic in the fuel tank. Helpfully, the mechanic who found it has made it into a keyring for us, so we can forever remember the utter mechanical horror of Summer 2011.

The sheer number of breakdowns we have had has had a positive side to it, too. We have met a wonderful array of delightful RAC men, roadside mechanics, VW enthusiasts and petrol station attendants. Without wanting to sound like a big sap (this tour has turned me a bit emotional- probably something to do with the lack of sleep and sheer volume of raspberry jelly I have eaten) we have met some heroes. All you can hope for when you're tired and stranded on the side of the road is that someone kind will turn up, someone who doesn't taunt you for owning a classic car, someone who won't think you've got mental problems for doing a show inside a van. ('What? But where do the audience go while you're in the van? Do they watch it from another van? But what HAPPENS in there...?')

As with my last blog, the highs and lows have been all too numerous to list, so here is my Top Ten Memorable Moment from the last 5 weeks:

1) In on of my Hull shows, I met a man called Gary who has what can only be described as 'Gardening Tourettes.' At any given moment, he would interrupt me to tell me about another vegetable that he had recently planted. Towards the end of my show, when I am recounting quite an emotional encounter, during which I gained clarity about all sorts of things, Gary shouted 'I GREW SOME ROCKET' very closely into my face. Thanks Gary.

2)In Giggleswick, we met Katy, the wife of the headmaster of the boarding school there, who is currently in the middle of knitting an Arran jumper. She started making that jumper 27 years ago.

3) In Clapham (just outside of Giggleswick) Tom and I had had the wonderful and rare treat of camping for 2 nights and having a day to just....be. It was amazing. During the day, we went for a little walk into the village. We walked past a garden, with a lone plastic, 2D swan ornament. On that swan, was printed the word 'John.' That made us laugh for a long time.

4) In Cardiff, Joni was parked outside the Wales Millenium Centre. She was quite a sight, resting a little orangey yellow treat nestled underneath a huge and overwhelming building. On the Sunday night, Michael Ball was doing a solo concert inside the main auditorium. I have never seen so many pastel anoraks in one place. He sold 1900 tickets for his 8pm show. I sold 5. Needless to say, we were both sold out. I will now be popping myself in the same 'National Treasure bracket as Michael Ball. Any problems with that, I will deal with those personally.

5) In the show, I like to hope that I leave people wondering if my stories are real or not. In Ipswich, after my opening sentence of 'Hello, I'm Laura,' I was greeted with 'IS THAT YOUR REAL NAME?' There was clearly no hope for any sort of illusion with that audience. We dealt with that, and moved on. It turned out to be quite a lovely show.

6) I have mentioned before that sometimes, audiences members come back after they've seen the show and bring me gifts. You may remember that in Taunton, I received a chilli plant. You will be pleased to know that I have not killed it yet. In Eastleigh, I received a gift that I feel may be difficult to beat. A local man, who had not seen the show, arrived at the van in between shows, with a huge, framed painting of a family of dophins. In an oddly grumpy manner he announced 'This is for you. Put it up in your van' and marched off. On closer inspection, I am almost certain that the painting had been very recently ripped off a wall. We didn't manage to find that wall, so are now the proud owners of a slightly odd painting of some dolphins that does not fit in the van at all. If you are the owner of a newly empty wall, please do get in touch.

7) In the spirit of using my downtime on tour to work my way through various costume dramas, I can now add Little Dorrit to my list. I liked it, although this was mainly due to the unintentionally comic way in which Andy Serkis kept peeping round the side of trees in a French, sneaky manner.

8) In London, whilst doing the show in a very corporate square near Euston Station, Sandi Toksvig very kindly accepted my invitation to come along to see the show. I was a bit giddy to engage so closely with someone who has inspired my writing for many years, but I *think* I managed to hold it together and I had a really wonderful show with a warm and open audience. Joni is still reeling from hearing the best laugh in showbusiness.

9) An important part of the show is a story of how I climbed a hill to perform a gig to the elements, a few years ago, when I was feeling lost and low and in need of inspiration. In Kendal a few weeks ago, in the midst of a weekend of awful breakdowns and feeling incredibly weary, I climbed up to the top of Gummers Howe, which overlooks Lake Windermere, with 20 audience members, and recreated that gig, with the wind and the rain and the feeling that whatever happens, I must always remember how this feels. Always.

10) Also in Kendal, Joni met her husband to be. He is a T25 called Lionel. Details need to be worked out but needless to say, that wedding is going to ROCK.