A Macventure (see what I did there) PART ONE

Goodness me, this is a LOT later than I had expected. Since getting back from our jaunt around the Highlands, I have been swept up in a whirlwind of trying to figure out what my life is when it isn't doing 3 shows a day in Joni. This has involved an upsetting amount of admin, and, more worryingly, doing work that isn't that much fun.

I have been wanting to write about our Northern Adventure (so good I gave it capital letters) for a while but only today have I had a nice, quiet spot by the window, a cup of tea and a few hours free. I have scones to make today, but this feels more important, just for now.

The most exciting and daunting part of our adventure was the prospect of wild camping. In Scotland, it is legal to park up and camp by a mountain, or a loch, or any other kind of beautiful Scottish wonderfulness. You don't have to drive around in the dark, looking for a campsite that inevitably turns out to be slightly less nice than real nature and costs £28 for the pleasure of having a toilet block that plays Radio 2 all night. (*coughCARAVAN CLUB cough*)

This was a pretty exciting prospect, but also a slightly unnerving one, as it meant that we were completely in charge of our own nighttime destiny. If you have been following my blog from the beginning, you will know that Tom and I are not known for our organisational skills, especially when it comes to finding places. Any places at all.

During a conversation we had whilst heading north into the wilderness, it was revealed that Tom and I had 3 main fears regarding wild camping. These fears, in no particular order were:

a) midges

b) murderers

c) panthers


Now, let me explain this list. The first was Tom's fear, triggered by absolutely EVERYBODY we spoke to about the Highlands saying 'watch out for the midges, they will literally eat you alive.'

Personally, I have developed a no-fail system of avoiding midge and mosquito bites. It involves standing near Tom as they cannot get enough of that tasty Frankland morsel, but this did not seem to pacify Tom at all.

The second fear- murderers- was mainly mine. Thinking logically about it, the vast majority of murderers tend to crop up in urban areas and not loiter in the more uninhabited sections of northern Scotland, ready to pounce on tired Festival performers, but you can never be too careful. The last thing we wanted was for one of us to get attacked by an axe murderer just as we were getting really stuck in to a really meaty game of backgammon.

The third fear- panthers- was not something we had originally considered when planning our holiday. This brand new fear was triggered by a good friend of mine choosing a phone catch-up in a service station to announce the fact that there was in fact a panther on the loose in the Highlands. It seems to me that there is always some sort of wildcat on the loose at any given time, and that zoos should really learn to lock things, but as I am fundamentally against zoos, I was pleased that the little scamp was probably having a whale of a time, chasing sheep, hiding behind tufts of heather, pretending to be a rock, that sort of thing. It did, however, mean we were both slightly nervous about being ripped from the campervan then being mauled to death whilst having an afternoon nap or early evening game of Travel Scrabble. In this case, however, my fears were eased by the knowledge that the massive amount of midge repellent that Tom had applied was probably potent enough to deter significantly larger pests. Chances are, a panther would be knocked out before getting anywhere nearer than 20 metres. Job done.

As well as these 3 main fears, I also had several questions that were playing on my mind when it came to braving unknown countryside without the safety of a campsite at the end of a long day. These questions were

a) will we find somewhere to camp that is nice? (and safe from panthers/murderers/bloodthirsty midges)

b)are we REALLY allowed to just park wherever we like?

c) will Tom still love me once he has seen me wee in a bucket?

Luckily, the answer to all three of these questions was 'yes.'